Drugs and a stun gun were found on Justin Bieber’s tour bus ahead of a show in Stockholm earlier this week, Swedish police said yesterday. The bus was parked outside a hotel in the city as Bieber waited to perform at the Globen Arena on Wednesday night. Police, alerted to the smell of marijuana coming from inside, searched the vehicle after the ten passengers on board (including Bieber) went into the arena for the show.
Police spokesman Varg Jyllander told Sky News: “They found a small amount of drugs and a stun gun. Now the drugs are [being] sent over to the forensics lab, and before we have the analysis results we won’t [comment further]. It was a short search for around half an hour”.
Jyllander added that while police currently had no specific suspects in relation to the drugs and the weapon, and although Bieber and his crew had already left town, the investigation was ongoing. He also explained that while stun guns were not illegal in Sweden, “you need a permit to carry one or have one – and they hadn’t”. Much like that monkey.
This is not the first time Bieber has been linked to cannabis, of course, with TMZ claiming earlier this year that a photograph it had obtained showed the singer smoking a joint. While not directly confirming or denying this, Bieber did tweet that he was “trying to be better” at the time.
Elsewhere in Bieber news, his manager Scooter Braun has told MTV News that the singer has been writing “one or two songs a day for the entire tour”. And given that his current tour started last September, that’s quite a lot of songs.
This possibly explains a lot of things. By the time he reached London in March, Bieber was probably suffering writer’s block, making his daily songwriting slower than normal, hence his late appearance on stage for one show at the O2 Arena. Also, who writes one or two songs a day except stoners? And as for the stun gun, it’s probably the only way his team can get him to stop writing and go up on stage. Maybe they bought it after the London incident, or maybe they’d just misplaced it that night. Maybe the monkey took it and that’s why they’ve abandoned the animal in Germany!
It’s all so clear now.
Oh, just before I go, our lawyers would like us point out that CMU does not believe that any marijuana or other drugs of any kind that may or may not have been found on Justin Bieber’s tour bus belonged to the singer himself. Nor do we believe that Justin Bieber owns a stun gun.
Nor, for that matter, do we believe that anyone in Justin Bieber’s entourage has or ever would use a stun gun on him. Or anyone else. Oh, and we don’t think the monkey known as Mally was abandoned in Munich for stealing said stun gun.
In fact, forget I ever mentioned anything you’ve read in this story. Justin Bieber hasn’t even written any songs. And his manager isn’t called Scooter Braun. And Sweden has no police force. Sweden doesn’t even exist. Who is Justin Bieber? Who are you? Yo no hablo Inglés.