Hey, I know what you’re wondering: What do rock music fans like? Who do they think is good at music? What musical events do they attend and most enjoy? What do they watch on TV? What videogames do they play? What films do they like? Who do they find funny? Who do they think provides the most engaging and entertaining updates on the social media service Twitter? And who, in 2013, do they deem worthy of a prize purely on the basis of their physical attributes?
Well wonder no more, tonight you can sleep soundly because Kerrang! has the answer. Nominations for the magazine’s annual awards ceremony are out now, ahead of the big show, which this year will take place at the new home of all music award ceremonies, The Troxy in East London, on 13 Jun. The event will be hosted by first time overseer Mark Hoppus (himself up for an award), and Kerrang! Awards-presenting veteran Scott Ian.
Leading the pack nominations wise are Fall Out Boy, Bring Me The Horizon and Pierce The Veil, all of whom have four nominations for variously being British, international, attractive, impressive within a visual medium, impressive in non-recorded situations, and good at songs acting as promotional markers for album releases. You can see which matches up with which in the list below, I’m not going to walk you through this like a child. You’re better than that and the sooner you realise it the better.
Now, here’s Kerrang! Editor James McMahon with a humorous quote that makes me feel a little bit bad for being slightly dismissive of this whole thing: “Once again the Relentless Kerrang! Awards returns to celebrate all that is great and good in rock music. I can say for a fact that all other awards ceremonies are crap compared to ours. I know this because I’ve been to loads of them, and ours is the only one where I’ve ever ended up on a rooftop talking to Jack Black about what pigeon tastes like at 3am”.
Oh, why do people let Relentless sponsor things? Putting the world ‘relentless’ in front of anything makes it sound like an ordeal. But whatever, this isn’t about brands, it’s about fans, as McMahon attests in his continued (still quite humorous, the bastard) quote: “The secret is that we only do this for the fans. Yeah, I know that makes me sound like Bob Geldof or something. But it’s true. We only do this to celebrate the music the readers love, and to create new stories and a bit of magic that makes the music world that little bit more exciting than it would be if we didn’t get a whole load of stars in a room and say, ‘Let’s rock!’”
If (and only if) you are a reader of Kerrang!, you may vote for the overall winners here. Below are the nominations in full. Memorise them, there will be a test later:
Best British Newcomer: Mallory Knox, Fearless Vampire Killers, Marmozets, Lower Than Atlantis, Heaven’s Basement
Best International Newcomer: Sleeping With Sirens, Set It Off, Pierce The Veil, Of Mice & Men, Tonight Alive
Best Single: Fall Out Boy – The Phoenix, Fall Out Boy – My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light Em Up), Paramore – Now, Bring Me The Horizon – Shadow Moses, Pierce The Veil – King For A Day (feat Kellin Quinn)
Best Album: Biffy Clyro – Opposites, All Time Low – Don’t Panic, Bring Me The Horizon – Sempiternal, Don Broco – Priorities, Black Veil Brides – Wretched And Divine: The Story Of The Wild Ones
Best Live Band: Black Veil Brides, Of Mice & Men, Enter Shikari, Bullet For My Valentine, The Blackout
Best Video: Paramore – Now, Pierce The Veil – King For A Day (feat Kellin Quinn), Bring Me The Horizon – Shadow Moses, 30 Seconds To Mars – Up In The Air, Cancer Bats – Bricks & Mortar
Best International Band: Green Day, Black Veil Brides, All Time Low, Fall Out Boy, Pierce The Veil
Best British Band: Young Guns, Asking Alexandria, Bring Me The Horizon, You Me At Six, Enter Shikari
Best TV Show: The Walking Dead, The Big Bang Theory, Doctor Who, Supernatural, Game Of Thrones
Best Video Game: BioShock Infinite, Far Cry 3, Tomb Raider, Halo 4, Minecraft
Best Film: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Django Unchained, The Dark Knight Rises, Avengers Assemble, Sinister
Best Comedian: Russell Howard, Frankie Boyle, Stewart Lee, Louis CK, Chris Ramsey
Tweeter Of The Year: Jack Barakat (All Time Low), Jono Yates (Blitz Kids), Laurence Beveridge (Fearless Vampire Killers), Mark Hoppus (Blink 182), Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance)
Hottest Female: Hayley Williams (Paramore), Jack Barakat (All Time Low), Lzzy Hale (Halestorm), Tay Jardine (We Are The In Crowd), Jenna McDougall (Tonight Alive)
Hottest Male: Andy Biersack (Black Veil Brides), Ben Bruce (Asking Alexandria), Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance), Kellin Quinn (Sleeping With Sirens), Jack Barakat (All Time Low)
Best Festival: Download, Vans Warped Tour UK, Slam Dunk Festival, Reading and Leeds, Hit The Deck
Best Event: You Me At Six: The Final Night Of Sin, The Kerrang! Tour 2013, Green Day’s ‘secret’ show at Reading, Dave Grohl’s Sound City Players at The Forum, Fall Out Boy at Camden Underworld