Wednesday 22 September 2010, 12:43 | By

REM complete fifteenth album

In The Studio

REM have announced that they have completed work on their fifteenth studio album, their second with producer Jacknife Lee. God, I used to love REM so much. Why must they continue to ruin everything for me by endlessly releasing ever more boring and irrelevant albums? Okay, it’s true I am assuming this new album won’t be a sudden return to form. Because it won’t. Fuck you, REM.

The album is due for release next year. I am only telling you this so you can prepare yourself to ignore it. Please, whatever you do, don’t encourage them by buying it. I beg you. I can’t even listen to ‘Document’ any more. Why won’t they split up? WHY?!

In other REM news, the band have topped a poll which sought out the most misheard lyrics. The line, “Call me when you try to wake her up” from their 1993 single ‘The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite’ (Ah, that was a good one, wasn’t it? If only they’d split up now, maybe I could enjoy it again).

Four out of ten people polled apparently thought the line was “Calling Jamaica”, even though it sounds more like “Calling to wake her up”. Actually, I seem to remember at the time of the record’s original release some British fans thinking Michael Stipe was singing about Cheryl Baker. Personally, I like to imagine he is singing “Tony Tobacola”, though I’m not sure why.

Anyway, REM, please split up.

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